We all felt like visitors, that mild excitement of a new place. Everyone knew from miles out that this was not a place we were prepared to be. The smell just increased the closer we got…by the time we landed it was as bad as any skunk type of penetrating odor. The smell of decaying human crap, up close and personal. The type of thing that over rides everything else. After the usual intake procedure and assignment, our taxi flew us to our units…the first chopper ride.
11B10 – ground pounder, hump professional, grunt…Troop movement went from convoy to air mobile. Weapons went from antique to light rifle machine guns. All wars before had lines or sides, you knew where the enemy was. Then that all changed.
The idea of fighting a scattered enemy who looked like part of the regular population started in Vietnam. Yeah, we learned jungle fighting, the hard way. Little of that mattered to those doing the lifting, the result is always the same in every war, police action, and armed actions of any kind. It was nasty from the start.
Training was the best that could be figured out, yet there is no real training for that. There you are, in reality, and in your mind. Front line with no lines and no idea who was your enemy…could be any of those people you saw, especially those who acted friendly, an easy way to get explosives delivered in your lap.
Usually there are a few of you together so you can be more effective and watch each others back…sometimes it is just you, by yourself, watching and waiting. You make it through it all, you are real lucky, all in one piece, and ready to rotate out of there. The relief, excitement, and happiness is like a drug for everyone…party time!
The travel arrangements are just as screwy as the first time…You go home…and there you are. Somehow things are different, ghost memories of what you left are now right in your mind. Questions everywhere, what is this, why is that, and how come…? Some get it right away, some take a while, and still it is just through the misty fog, another question haunts you…Remember? Memories of this and that, things you can’t mention to anyone. Do I fit into this, belong here? This never quits, always there, just never leaving you alone…you hear it, know it, and it just keeps on buggin’ you…
Seeking help just becomes a lesson in frustration…pre-existing condition? IF the military knows about it, WHY ain’t they testing for it, BEFORE you were sent??? Personality Disorder, after the fact? Nice way to balance a budget…on the suffering of others? Best numbers are in the millions now. So Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Combat Fatigue, Shell Shock did NOT exist for the first twenty (20) years, then they spent the next twenty (20) years denying that anyone was afflicted with it. Recordings have come out that you can hear doctors saying ‘we have to find a way to not give anyone benefits or treatments’…per instructions.
Now what? Exactly what do you do now? It must be the winter of my soul to which I am doomed…and ‘it’ won’t turn off, it won’t stop no matter what I do…!!! All the time I got this shit sing-songing in my head…No troop can fight very well when they do not have the weapons to fight back. ALL troops are afflicted with some sort and level of bad things, admit it or not, believe it or not.
If you try getting help it goes into your permanent records that you sought psychiatric help…this red flag ruins a career, prevents promotion, and is seen as a death sentence for any hope of advancement of any kind. What to do? No one to help puts you in the position of taking care of it so it leaves you alone. Fighting back calls for a weapon or weapons to do so.
I offer my P.T.S.D. Treatment System.
It is a ‘system’ because it is a mechanism activator. IF you are looking at suicide as an out, try this first, cause it works 100%…yeah that’s right, never a failure.
P.T.S.D. is a permanent condition. The combat trigger that is built into training, is tied directly into the basic part of your thinking. This is called the id. The caveman senses of fright, flight, hunger, and sex. This is well known and planed by the military. When you enter into a combat area, situation, or take that first step…the trigger is pulled and you are combat ready. Any and all experiences go to these base drivers of your thinking. Whatever you see, hear, things others tell you, and smells are all involved. Those full color pictures that flash through your mind are all these and more. You are actually there, reliving things that are better forgotten…Yet, you can’t forget. The dreams refuse to leave you alone. The thoughts are those of a killer, and yet…you’re safe at home.
This is not for some people. The manner of the workings can cause harm to those who are ready to engage themselves. That’s right, it ALL goes to you. What this does is it opens your mind, so, be very careful. You will be experiencing at least one nasty event in order to know how to use the system. I do not get in your head, it ain’t my mind anyway, and you deserve privacy. You will be supplied weapons to fight back against these specific problems. You will relive that nasty event…the worst you can remember.
IF and only IF you feel you can handle it, should you use this treatment.