P.T.S.D. Lost We all felt like visitors, that mild excitement of a new place. Everyone knew from miles out that this was not a place we were prepared to be. The smell just increased the closer we got…by the time we landed it was as bad as any skunk type of penetrating odor. The smell of decaying human crap, up close and personal. The type of thing that over rides everything else. After the usual intake procedure and assignment, our taxi flew us to our units…the first chopper ride. 11B10 – ground pounder, hump professional, grunt…Troop movement went from convoy to air mobile. Weapons went from antique to light rifle machine guns. All wars before had lines or sides, you knew where the enemy was. Then that all changed. The idea of fighting a scattered enemy who looked like part of the regular population started in Vietnam. Yeah, we learned jungle fighting, the hard way. Little of that mattered to those doing the lifting, the result is always the same in every war, police action, and armed actions of any kind. It was nasty from the start. Training was the best that could be figured out, yet there is no real training for that. There you are, in reality, and in your mind. Front line with no lines and no idea who was your enemy…could be any of those people you saw, especially those who acted friendly, an easy way to get explosives delivered in your lap. Usually there are a few of you together so you can be more effective and watch each others back…sometimes it is just you, by yourself, watching and waiting. You make it through it all, you are real lucky, all in one piece, and ready to rotate out of there. The relief, excitement, and happiness is like a drug for everyone…party time! The travel arrangements are just as screwy as the first time…You go home…and there you are. Somehow things are different, ghost memories of what you left are now right in your mind. Questions everywhere, what is this, why is that, and how come…? Some get it right away, some take a while, and still it is just through the misty fog, another question haunts you…Remember? Memories of this and that, things you can’t mention to anyone. Do I fit into this, belong here? This never quits, always there, just never leaving you alone…you hear it, know it, and it just keeps on buggin’ you… Seeking help just becomes a lesson in frustration…pre-existing condition? IF the military knows about it, WHY ain’t they testing for it, BEFORE you were sent??? Personality Disorder, after the fact? Nice way to balance a budget…on the suffering of others? Best numbers are in the millions now. So Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Combat Fatigue, Shell Shock did NOT exist for the first twenty (20) years, then they spent the next twenty (20) years denying that anyone was afflicted with it. Recordings have come out that you can hear doctors saying ‘we have to find a way to not give anyone benefits or treatments’…per instructions. Now what? Exactly what do you do now? It must be the winter of my soul to which I am doomed…and ‘it’ won’t turn off, it won’t stop no matter what I do…!!! All the time I got this shit sing-songing in my head…No troop can fight very well when they do not have the weapons to fight back. ALL troops are afflicted with some sort and level of bad things, admit it or not, believe it or not. If you try getting help it goes into your permanent records that you sought psychiatric help…this red flag ruins a career, prevents promotion, and is seen as a death sentence for any hope of advancement of any kind. What to do? No one to help puts you in the position of taking care of it so it leaves you alone. Fighting back calls for a weapon or weapons to do so. I offer my P.T.S.D. Treatment System. It is a ‘system’ because it is a mechanism activator. IF you are looking at suicide as an out, try this first, cause it works 100%…yeah that’s right, never a failure. P.T.S.D. is a permanent condition. The combat trigger that is built into training, is tied directly into the basic part of your thinking. This is called the id. The caveman senses of fright, flight, hunger, and sex. This is well known and planed by the military. When you enter into a combat area, situation, or take that first step…the trigger is pulled and you are combat ready. Any and all experiences go to these base drivers of your thinking. Whatever you see, hear, things others tell you, and smells are all involved. Those full color pictures that flash through your mind are all these and more. You are actually there, reliving things that are better forgotten…Yet, you can’t forget. The dreams refuse to leave you alone. The thoughts are those of a killer, and yet…you’re safe at home. INTRODUCTION This is not for some people. The manner of the workings can cause harm to those who are ready to engage themselves. That’s right, it ALL goes to you. What this does is it opens your mind, so, be very careful. You will be experiencing at least one nasty event in order to know how to use the system. I do not get in your head, it ain’t my mind anyway, and you deserve privacy. You will be supplied weapons to fight back against these specific problems. You will relive that nasty event…the worst you can remember. IF and only IF you feel you can handle it, should you use this treatment.


If you are not of strong mind, do not do this.

The strong mind is a combination of your determination to get better, AND the way you were before the problems began.


Be sure you are ready to do this. I offer that another person you trust read what to do to and for you. That they direct you into and through this.  I recommend another vet who is not troubled and has good intuition.

First, relax. Be in a place you feel comfortable in, outdoors is recommended.  The person who administers this needs to be able to walk all the way around you.  Both need to talk this over, read the paper silently, first the one getting the treatment, then whomever the buddy is.

In starting to lead a person back to the incident, have them close their eyes. Have them give a description of where they are at, open area, a village, or mountains.  Describing everything, heat from the sun, cold from winter, the smell of dust, animal dung, food cooking…ALL of everything that can be remembered.

Do- you hear the crunch of dirt under your boots?  smell the dung and cooking?  hear the noise you all are making as you walk along?

Start putting this memory into the reality that is seen behind those closed eyes…What were you doing just before?  Get all the details of exactly what happened, a shot, a mine, a firefight…whatever was going on.  How were the others acting? What were they doing?

Have it told exactly what happened, who died, any splatter, blood or body parts, all the gory details…Can you see it? Smell it?

Are you there? Experiencing it all over again? Is it all real?


Open your eyes right now!

What do you see?

Do you see any of what you saw a minute ago? Or do you see what is in front of you?

If you don’t see it, then is it real?

IF what you saw and experienced was not real then it must be in your mind…right?

Yeah, not easy to think about, either what happened or if it is real or not.

You need to accept that because that is how it is.

So now what?

How about you learn how to fix the problem


First things first.

Close your eyes again.

See what you saw that was so terrible, see it clearly.

Is it in full color? Is it a bright clear picture?

Look very carefully at that image, see all the detail of it…

Now you are a movie producer who is in full control.

Start by slowly taking the color out…when you get as far as you can, you then start darkening it by turning down the brightness…You may need to practice these two things, so practice, practice, practice…

After you take almost all the light and all the color out of this put it under a rock in your mind for a few.

Every military person I know knows what a foot locker is.

Look over in the corner of your mind to find yours. If it ain’t there put one there.

Make sure it has a hasp in order to close it.

Grab hold of the ‘picture’ image, fold it in half, put in the locker, close the lid and hasp.

This is how the mind forgets things it does not want to remember.

That is the memory and dream part of this, the way to reverse things, making it go away.

The List

You need to make a list of the things that bother you…ALL of them.

IF you have a family, have the wife and kids make a list too.

Compare lists. You’ll all find things out about each other, and now each of you knows and has a list of botherations…help each other with these lists.


1- noises, what they are which bother you the most, etc.

2- conditions, what kind of situations makes you uneasy…crowds, etc.

3- your choice, deal directly or go another way depending on how you feel about it.

4- relearn about the trust of those who love you. Do not feel like they are requiring anything.

Reminder List

1.  Practice relaxing, just like the calm and cool in combat, only let the tension/stress flow out of you.

2.  Feel this running from your head to your shoulders, down your arms and out your fingertips. Feel it going down your body to your legs and out of your feet.

3.  Go to as quiet a place as you can. Get comfy and close your eyes. See if you can not think of anything just your mind and maybe the breeze, leaves in a tree, or a bird call…practice until nothing bothers you.

4.  Remember that this is ALL in your mind and is NOT real. If you need one, put a lock on the foot locker.

5.  Deal as directly as you can with that savage renegade playing with your mind, put it in that locker!

6.  Never give up. You now have the basic tools/weapons to fight back, go get em!

7.  In all this do not give the bastard the satisfaction.

6 & 7 kind of go together.

8.  Trigger- you turn me on…what ya got a switch? A trigger is like that. You need to learn to put the safety on.

IF you went through combat and they couldn’t kill you, then why give up the battle now? (see # 7)

There are many who are taking their own lives…too many. This treatment makes the hurt a lot less. In many cases that pain goes away almost completely. Dealing with everything gets easier, smoother, and you probably won’t need the alcohol or drugs anymore.

Many who have and are still using this treatment, are doing a lot better now, are you ready to get better?

Bear in mind this is a Permanent Condition. This means that the thing may/will come up once in a while.

The difference is that no one can heal you. That is between you and the Creator…

What you will find with this is that IF you do what is stated, you regain a very good measure of control.

As you learn the things that are your triggers, you then can deal with them without all the craziness, upset, and getting mad for no reason.

That balance you had will return, as this allows for you to heal up for the most part.

None of this is easy. You will have to fight for your right to have a life, once again…

I suggest you print this out and keep a copy for reference, just in case you need part of it you may not remember.

Your move on the great chess board of life.

~ Drake

Nam 67-68